Lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things. Mostly sad things. I have been trying for a long time to be some things I don't want to be. Have you ever done that? Pretend to be something for the sake of others? I think at some point, most people do. Sometimes, its a good thing I suppose, to do things to make someone else happy. The problem is when that becomes the only thing you do. Because then you forget about yourself.
I feel like I have forgotten about myself for far too long. I have been appeasing people to the extreme for most all of my life. And I think it's time for that to change.
I don't want to be mean. I don't want to be drastic. I just want to be able to decide for myself what I want to do. And to do that, I need something to be accountable to. I want to wake up and live my life for me, because in the end, I am the one who has to deal with the consequences. I don't want to wake up and find my life gone and have nothing I can be proud of to show for it.
Maybe it is the impending 30th birthday, and this is some kind of early mid-life crisis. If I were a dude, I could just go buy a car I can't afford... Maybe it is some of the recent stressful things in my life. I guess I thought if I did everything right, then nothing would go wrong. But there are some major things that went wrong in the past year or so. Maybe this is what I need to stop doing everything how I should do it and start doing things how I choose to do them.
This is all very heavy sounding to me, and this is not how I plan to post. I want to post about crafty stuff, and diy stuff and interesting finds and happy stuff... But I needed to state my intentions, so that I can remind myself of them. So that I can be accountable to them. So that I can make changes that need to be made, even if they are hard for me...or scary for me.
Hopefully, somebody out there will understand this, but if not, that's ok. This is for me.
~Sully
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