Who's tired of being a fatty boom batty?

That's right, a fatty boom batty!  This gal right here, that's who!

I have been a thick and chunky girl my whole life, with the exception of about two years, when I was very sick (in my early 20's).  And I am so tired of it!

Therefore, I propose an EVIL plan!  The plan to lose weight, be healthy, and feel better! STARTING NOW!  I would say starting today, but I kinda ruined breakfast by eating a whole sleeve of oreos...I had to get them out of the house...no, really...  So, starting right now, I am going to be healthier, eat better, get at least some exercise every day, and chronicle the progress here on my blog.  Success or failure, highs and lows and in-between.

Here are some recent pictures of myself, so we can see where I am at now, and to see how far I can go:

It's eating like this that is a problem...and yes, I do always have crazy eyes when I eat...seriously, you have to watch your fingers...

And the drinking...no more raging alcoholism for me...

Mostly because it leads to getting this picture taken...

Or this one...  In my defense, cotton candy is the most delicious form of pure sugar...

Followed by chocolate mustaches...

But I vow to stick to non-edible mustaches from now on...

Because it's how I can get some action... 

You can't deny the appeal...think about it... Oh yeah!

In all seriousness, though, I am truly ready to do something about my weight.  And if anyone out there reads this and wants to join me on this mission, please do!  I need all the advice, motivation, recipes, tips and whatever else you think will help, that I can get!

~Sully

Cool finds and some tips I thrift by

I think it's interesting that junk has become this fabulous trend all of the sudden.  I come from a long line of dumpster divers and funky junk finders and re-finishers, and it has not always been such a cool thing to do.  Trust me, yard sale/thrift store clothing did not go over well during my school days...quite the opposite.  But I would go through the years of mockery all over again any day, because it taught me to look carefully and think wisely and bargain with people.  All good things to know for sure.

What I like about this shopping style is that I get to find things I really like that someone else no longer appreciates (aka dump bound...yes, I am saving the earth one flea market at a time...), things that are usually no longer in production or not easily found, and at super cheap prices.

 For instance, this awesome Swedish Chef utensil holder, who is in perfect condition...He is the best thing ever in my eyes.  I love him to a ridiculous degree.  I got him at an antique store and he cost me $1.25.  SCORE!!!  And the little chubby lady that holds all my cables when I am not using them: $1.50. But she is so cute and useful.  She holds my cords...the chef now holds my scissors for me.  He used to hold the rose, but noticed how often I lose my scissors, so he is kind enough to locate them and have them at the ready for next time.  Such a gentleman!

This cute little owl bank (he's not so blurry in real life, trust me) cost me a whopping $0.25.  That's right, just 25 pennies at a local flea market in the yard sale stuff section (aka one time vendors as opposed to ones who are there weekly).  This section is hit or miss really, you never know what you'll find, and it seems like everyone has cool stuff that day or else no one does...and they always have the cool stuff on days when my spending money is low...At any rate, this guy has a little chip off the back of his graduation cap, but I can't see it, so what do I care?  He had his little black stopper thingy, and that is always what I look for.  I swear, if there is a sock monster which eats one sock of a pair that lives in the washing machine (and we are all aware that there IS...) then he has a cousin that steals the little black stoppers out of piggy (or in this case owl-y?) banks.  What is the deal with that?  I do not understand how people always manage to lose them!  I wonder if you could buy replacements?  Maybe if you knew the correct name for it...I am scared to know what I would come up with if I googled 'little black stopper thingy'...  (For the record, I just googled "rubber stopper for piggy banks" and you CAN buy them!  This is the best day ever now...)

I got these awesome canisters for $7.00 for the set of 3 at the same local flea market from a vendor who is there every weekend and when I get to go, I always make sure to take my time through his stall.  I love having to sift through and pay attention...those are the places you can strike gold at (in my experience anyway)!  And they are so perfect.  (I love hideous 70s stuff...it is not hideous to me!)  You can't tell in the picture, but they are actually really large.  The biggest one I can fit my entire head in (and my head is HUGE)!

 This next section should be called "Things I Saw That Were Cool, But Did Not Buy":

1.Green cat cookie jar.  I think this cookie jar is pretty nifty.  But am not paying more than twenty bucks for it...Should it have been, say an awesome lady turtle in a gardening hat with a fancy shell (which I do possess, although I didn't pay over $20 for...) I would have bought it...  Its all about what its worth to you...and that is actually more important when it comes to tiny price tags for me.  Just because I kind of like something, and it only costs say a dollar, doesn't mean I will get it.  Don't get me wrong, I have regretted this thinking several times, but it has saved me from becoming an ultra-hoarder, where I live in a shack made entirely of great bargains found at the thrift store.  Which sounds all right until you realize there is no indoor plumbing in my doodad shack...  I have a teeny tiny house, and if I am not careful, it would become me walking a six inch pathway in the middle of heaps of 'treasures'.

2.  This really stinking cute doll.  Ok, I really like this thing so much...I think it is so cute...and yet, I turn my back on her.  For one thing, my sisters said she was really creepy.  I totally disagree, but I could really go for another opinion on this...is she creepy?  The real reason I didn't get this is because she was pretty dirty.  The kinda dirty that doesn't come off in the wash.  This is something I tend to be really careful about.  I have bought filth encrusted things before, because I knew with a little elbow grease, they would be good as new.  But sadly pink hair Paula here was gonna disintegrate into a million adorable particles before she would ever be clean.  So I left her for someone who would love her despite the fact that she was a dirty, dirty girl.

3. Awesome nursery rhyme plates.  I revisit the fact that these were a little pricey...$11.00 for one plate is kind of a lot for me.  However, I would have gotten them if I could have figured out a use for them.  For some people, this would be figuring out your style or the theme of your room or whatever it is you want to call it.  But I have a total mish-mash of everything, and that's how I like it!  I like the fact that if you came into my house, you would be hard pressed to find a corner lacking something interesting.  My criteria is that I have to be able to use the thing in a way that suits me.  And here is where I personally get a little weird.  I like to use certain things for there intended purpose.  For instance, I could not have bought these and hung them on the wall.  Sure, lots of people do that...but I couldn't do it and be satisfied.  (Mostly because have you ever seen a cute plate hanger?  NO!  They are all uniform and hideous and for some reason only come in the most tacky gold color EVER or bright silver...can't a girl even ask for pewter or copper...no ugly and bold about it...stupid plate hangers!)  Or, I could have used them to keep my keys and change in...but I already have an awesome dish for that (it is a glorious chips and dip bowl that is shaped like a fish...it is the greatest...I need to take a picture of it...note to self: take picture...) and these were kinda fragile, so I would have been too nervous to use them for that anyways.  So not being able to figure out how they would work for me...and considering lack of space as well, I left them where they were and walked away.

So, there you go...some neat stuff, and some useful tips...

Do you have any tips?  I would love to hear about them or anything else you have to say, so please leave a comment...I'd be so happy to hear from you.

~Sully

Go! Go! Go!

Last weekend, my sister Teddy and I went to South Carolina to help my mom move back to Tennessee.  It was pretty uneventful, aside from two things.

1. We went to Tony's Famous Pizza in Georgetown, SC.  They have the best philly cheesesteak outside of PA.  All their food is good, but the philly is my favorite.  I used to work there when I was about 16 or 17.  It will always remain a special place to me, because its where I met my first boyfriend.  My parents were very strict, and didn't allow me to date, so Davey was my sneaky boyfriend...well, he wasn't sneaky, he was very nice...I guess I was sneaky...but it was a good memory.  He was the first boy that ever kissed me.  It was very awkward...as I assume most first kisses are.  But he was very sweet, and I am glad he was my first kiss.  Davey might not kiss you if you go eat at Tony's, but the delicious food will actually make sweet love to your mouth, so it is totally worth it.

2.  My mom actually drove away from a gas pump with the nozzle still in her tank.  Ripped the nozzle, hose and all, right off of the pump.  I saw the whole thing happen, and tried to yell at her to stop, but I was in the moving truck with the windows rolled up, and she didn't hear me.  I swear it happened in slow motion right up until the point where the hose actually pulled off the pump.  I guess there is a break-away feature, so she didn't completely destroy the thing, but they did have to hit the emergency shut off at a very busy gas station in northern South Carolina and call the fire department.  I really, really wanted to take pictures, but I also value life, so I refrained.  After I realized we weren't going to die, it was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

HILARIOUS!!!

This weekend, I am going to Ohio for my sister Jocelyn's son's high school graduation.  I am leaving tonight after work.  I bought some art supplies off of Amazon to take with me, as I won't be driving and I can practice in the car.

Prismacolor Premier colored pencils

These pencils are pretty awesome.  I only have experience with cheap-o colored pencils and these are very different in comparison!  I only got the 12 because I didn't know how different they would be, but even after messing with them for a couple minutes, I knew I should have gotten a bigger set.  

I actually went over this (poorly) with oil pastels...because of the white pencil issue...

I don't know if it is supposed to or not (I don't know why it would on purpose, but I am giving it the benefit of the doubt), but the white colored pencil in this set has a line of purple going through the entire thing.  You can see the really light purple markings all through the upper background and that is from the white pencil.  I think that is my one complaint...with these thus far.  I am going to see if I can find a store that sells individual prismacolors, so that I can see if all the white pencils have this going on...I will update you as soon as I know.

I LOVE THESE!!!

This is the other travel worthy thing I got from Amazon.  They are oil pastels, which I have never worked with before, but have figured out that I love.  I have read that cheap pastels aren't that easy to work with/they don't blend well, but for my purposes, these worked very well!  I am sure that if you could buy expensive pastels, they would be better, but for very little cash, these work great!

First time using oil pastels...pretty good results in my opinion...

I didn't take a lot of time in blending this, nor do I have experience, but for a first time, I think I did ok.

I accidentally grabbed the yellow one instead of the peach, so she looks a little jaundiced, but I like it anyway.

She looks kind of like Joan Rivers...

I did this on wet paper with water color pencils.  I was experimenting.  I think she looks like Joan Rivers.  

I am taking my oil pastels and prismacolors with me, so I should have some new things to share next week.  Oh, and I got a book called "Mixed Media Girls" (I think that's it) by Suzi Blu.  I haven't gotten to practice any with the instructions in the book, but I did read over it, and it is very good in my opinion.  She has a good way of writing that is pretty understandable.  I am taking it too, so hopefully I will improve my faces dramatically with her help!

What have you been doodling?

Have a great weekend!

~Sully

A little bit on paper

I have been working on my art with paper skills.  I warn you, they are minimal.  But nobody gets better without practice, right?

Smash book page

The dress part I made with a balloon punch I had...  I was trying to figure out different uses for things I already have, like I did with her bonnet.

Martha Stewart Crafter's Clay butterfly.  Pretty cool stuff, but it doesn't smell very good.

The butterfly is made out of Martha Stewart Crafter's Clay (using one of her molds) and then I inked it up a little.  The clay is pretty nifty, but it took a while for the ink to dry on it.  Hence all the weird shapes in the background...they made OK stamps...  And some bling...which I am on the fence about...but I definitely dislike the word bling...I prefer shiny stuff...although I don't think the pearls are too shiny, so maybe fancy doo-dads?  I don't know, but there's some on the page, so there you go.

If you look closely,  you can see the tiny word on washi tape:"trapped"

I had her bonnet for a long time.  It is actually a baby bib (if you look the picture upside down, it is easy to see...or perhaps it is even if you don't...) die cut from Jocelyn.  I just filled it in with some quotes because these are some things I want to keep on my brain:

"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own."
"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."
"If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."
"Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining."

If you look closely at the bigger picture, you can see little words on washi tape saying things like trapped, afraid, indecisive, frozen, alone.  These are things that float around and pester me all the time, so I added them in.  But I am trying to concentrate on the good things, that's why they get the prime territory on my head...

The big words are a quote from a Lucinda Williams song called "Copenhagan"

I have a thing for words, and song lyrics especially stick in my head.  I think the line above is a really good metaphor for hearing something you don't expect to hear.  I just had to draw a little picture to go with it, and then some journaling stuff.  I actually like this drawing a lot.  Clearly it looks like a child did it, but you have to start somewhere, right?  Oh, and there are shiny snowflake confetti on the page too.  I don't know if you can tell that they are shiny, but they are.  I always check out confetti if I see it.  Even the word sounds fun...CONFETTI!!!  I think anything sounds fun if you capitalize and throw three exclamation points behind it.  Maybe not, because if you do the same thing with, say for instance, the word 'fart', then it just sounds like you should run in the other direction.  FART!!!  See, you just got up and ran away from your computer for a minute...

Wimpy page...

This page was an experiment...mostly, I strongly dislike the page, but I did learn from the experiment, so it wasn't a total loss!  I had written on the other side of the page, and it bled through, and I wanted to cover it up.  I decided to try some modeling paste that I had recently gotten, and blended it with a metallic copper paint I had.  This was a failure...the paint just turned a dirt colored brown when mixed with the modeling paste.  At least now I know...no metallic paint in modeling paste for me.  I tried to make the best of the situation, so I glued down some die cut leaves I had, drew some veins on them and then wrote: "And green things kept growing out of the dirt, thriving on things below that are causing me hurt."  I had originally liked the "GOOD.", which was already on the smash book page, but then it just doesn't fit with the rest of the page at all to me, so I may go back over it with some more dirt colored paint.  I think I would actually like the page much better if I did that.

Line is from a Josh Ritter song "The Curse"

I drew this with charcoal and it's shaded with chalk pastels.  I am pretty happy with the face.  I think it shows improvement over past faces I have drawn, and that's all I am aiming for.  Her poor boob looks really wonky...botched plastic surgery and all, very sad indeed...  Also, that song is very cool.  It's the only song I have heard from Josh Ritter, but I like the lyrics, so I will have to check out his other music.

Acrylic paint on an actual canvas...fancy!

  Lastly, here is a little painting I did.  I saw a picture somewhere online forever ago that I thought was really cool, but it was before Pinterest came into my life, so it has been lost to me in the stream of time.  At any rate, the image stuck in my head, so I used it for inspiration and painted this up.  The amount of happiness I have over things I make never directly correlates to the amount of ascetically pleasing-ness people (other than myself) would have looking at the things.  In other words, even though this looks like a third grader did this, and I will be 29 on Saturday, I really like it.  Except for the girl's face...If you do a close up on her, she is kinda creepy...  I will probably just paint over her face at some point...I don't know yet.  I am giving her time to grow on me.

Have you been doing anything awesome?  Tell me about it in the comments below!  Any comment is very much appreciated.

~Sully

10 Random Thoughts

After a brain shattering weekend, where many margaritas of sadness were consumed, I need to air out my 

mind.  So here is some random fluff. 

Even looking at this can gives me the willies.

1.  I hate sauerkraut.  Even the smell of it makes me gag.  Everyone else in my family LOVES it.  My mother is German, and when I was a kid she would make tons of it and can it.  The house smelled like sauerkraut for weeks afterward.  I was nauseated the entire time.  I hold to the fact that if it came down to it, and I was starving, I would eat maggots before I ate sour kraut.  This is not an overreaction.  I am 100% serious.

Take the straw out, you will never win that way.

2.  I have never lost a drink chugging contest in my life.  You know, when you were a kid and you had the contest to see who could down the contents of a milk carton the fastest.  I never lost.  NEVER!!!  I think this is why no one ever lets me have a sip of something they are drinking.  My sip = half the glass gone.  

It was the red one.  And red was the best flavor too.

3. I have literally squirted something out of my nose while laughing.  It was a red Little Hug (the little barrels of juice).  It was in second grade, and no one at my table ate lunch that day...because there was red little hug everywhere.  

4. My favorite color is green.  I read somewhere recently that if you are a Taurus (as I am, May 19), green is supposed to be your lucky color.  I wonder if that's why the May birthstone is green?  Hmm...conspiracy!  I just like green. 

Either way, I was tired of being the crazy person...

5. When I first got a blue tooth headset, I was really excited.  Not because of hands-free talking, but because I could finally sing in the car without having people think I was a crazy person.  

This was literally me.  It has become a problem for which I fear I need therapy at this point.

6.  Pinterest is the best website ever.  I am not a facebook/twitter/whatever else person.  I do love me some pinterest though.  Sometimes I see things other people pin and wonder if we would be best friends in real life, on the basis of their pins alone.  It also makes me wish every website would have a 'scroll to top' button...it's so convenient!

This proves difficult, as I have never played any lottery ever.

7. Half of me believes that if I ever won the lottery, I would buy a giant house, fill said house with only craft related things, and become a recluse, crafting the day away.  The only person to see me being the UPS guy, delivering things from amazon.  The other half of me would get a ridiculous amount of plastic surgery, the well done kind, not the creepy kind, to the point where no one I know would recognize me (and I would be freaking HOT).  This half of me would then torture anyone who had ever rejected me, (with unattainable hotness, not bamboo skewers under the fingernails) and travel all the time.  Now if I could only win the lottery...

Although this is funny...

8. Of all the rational things a person could be afraid of (snakes, spiders, heights, murderers), my biggest fear is space aliens.  I mean, I don't think they're real or anything!  But seriously, show me a stupid picture of an alien, and I am leave-the-light-on freaked out.  I can't even listen to the 'Unsolved Mysteries' or 'X Files' theme songs without getting the creeps.  Totally irrational I know, but 110% true.

Hehe!

9. I do not have a huge problem with grammatical errors personally (mostly because I am the one who will consistently make them), but when I hear someone say "and also", I want to smack them.  I don't think this is really a grammatical error, but it is redundant.  You can just say one or the other.  You can have his and hers.  You can have one of these, also one of those.  But if you say you want one this and also that, you will get NOTHING from me!

Sadly, this is not me...I wish I was this adorable.

10.  My hair (at least the bottom half) is currently blue.  Pretty much the blue in the picture above.  This is because my sister Teddy is having a BOY!  And the blue hair was the way she revealed it to my family.  As she could not bleach her hair, and she is a COWARD in general anyway, she asked if I would do mine, and I agreed without a second thought.  I did mine half-way, because it is annoyingly long at this moment, and I thought I would have to get two bleach kits and two bottles of dye (which I was right about by the way), and since I am on a shoestring at the moment, I figured I would go all ombre on my hair.  Additionally, I need a haircut like nobody's business, and I figure this way, I won't have to dye it back normal colored, I will just do a hack and slash on it instead.

So, those are my 10 Random Thoughts today.  Do you have any random thoughts? If so, I would love it if you would leave me a comment about whatever random thing you choose!

~Sully

The things I wish I'd said

Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of the death of a someone who was very dear to me.  Of all the things that happen 'naturally', death is the one thing that will never seem natural to me.

Dealing with death is never easy.  It is even more difficult when the person takes their own life, as my friend Leo did.  I have always heard the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Then I saw THIS article a while ago, and for me, the article says it a little better.  I have been through the range of it, over and over it seems.  I just need to talk a little about what I experienced now.

The denial is what started it off and lasted the longest for me.  I guess when someone dies, especially when death is so sudden, it makes sense that you want to say it didn't happen.  You don't want to believe that you never get to see the person you love again.  Even if you are a person who believes in an afterlife, I think that thought still crosses your mind.  Leo  was such a huge part of my life that I couldn't imagine life without him.  And so instead of dealing with it, I embraced denial.  I was willing to believe anything, including him faking his death and being in witness protection.  Anything was easier than to believe he was dead.  Something that was hard for me too, was that I had never seen the dead body of someone I had known while they were living before.  I had worked at a hospital and seen corpses in the morgue, but seeing Leo in the coffin, it didn't look like him at all.  It looked like someone who had never known him tried to make a wax dummy of him.  I think this made it very easy for me to reject reality and deny it all.  It was honestly months before I could even start to accept what had happened.

This is when the bargaining started for me.  I don't think there was one thing I didn't offer as a trade just to have him back for a minute.  Just to get to say the things I didn't say and to take back the things I wish I hadn't said.

Leo struggled with addiction his whole life.  I met him through my boyfriend; they were childhood friends.  When I met him, he was getting help and winning the fight.  With him, it was pills.  Always pills.  I had known him for about six months before he was totally clean.  I don't know how long it took for me to realize I was in love with him, but the first time he kissed me, I just know that I had secretly wanted it to happen for a long time.  My boyfriend was a good guy who deserved better, and I never thought I was the kind of girl who would cheat, but emotionally, I cheated.  I was raised very religiously, and even though I had pretty much given up on religion at this point,  my conscience got to me.  I did what I thought was right at the time, and told Leo I couldn't do this, I couldn't be that kind of person.  Even now I can see how he looked when I said it.  But he said he understood.  He said if I ever changed my mind, he would be there waiting for me.  And we were still friends.  A while after this happened, he took a job doing traveling construction work.  He was away for months at a time, but when he was home, he basically lived with us.  It was good times, having him around.  Eventually, he quit the traveling job and came home for good.  Then my boyfriend and I got engaged.  And things slowly began to unravel.  He came into contact with a girl he had known when he was younger, and they started dating.  I thought it would be a good thing.  It wasn't.  Over the course of several months, he changed.  When he would come to our house, he never brought her.  The time he spent with us got shorter and longer between visits.  Near the end, he only came to our house when they had a fight.  His personality changed and I have been around it enough to know when someone is getting high.  I went to his house, and confronted him about it, and he didn't deny it.  He just said that when he was with me, he didn't need the drugs.  If he couldn't be with me, then he didn't owe me anything.  And we fought.  About a week later, I came home from work and he was at our house.  The last words I said to Leo were "I don't care what you do."  Two days later, his mother called my boyfriend and told him that Leo had hung himself.

Of all the words that have ever come out of my mouth, the ones I will always regret the most are "I don't care what you do".  I have never said anything that is more untrue than that statement was,  and it was the last thing I said to him before he died.

I think that when someone commits suicide, it is always the case that the people who loved that person blame themselves.  You wonder if you should have seen something.  If you should have known that something was not right.  If you could have done something differently.  And the truth is, people don't get to know the answer to those questions.  It seems cheesy to say "be careful with your words", and yet every day for the last year of my life it's something I wish I had done.

At some point in there, I got angry.  I was angry with myself for choices I had made and things I had said.  Eventually, I was angry with Leo for doing what he did.  I made a lot of choices, but he took away the opportunity for me to change my mind or to apologize.  And then I was angry at myself for being angry with him.  There was a vicious anger cycle going on at an incredible rate of speed for a long time.

All along, I knew what a big loss I had suffered.  Leo was my best friend for many years.  He was a great listener and never judged me for doing things a certain way or thinking crazy things.  He was the first person I had ever known who was truly interested in me as a person, not because I was someone's sister/daughter/friend or because he could use me or anything at all besides that I was Sully and that was enough.  Leo had his flaws and his demons, but he was the most kind-hearted person I have ever had the privilege to know.  He was the person I talked to when I was happy and the person I talked to when I needed comfort.  I actually picked up the phone to call him at one point, because I needed someone to talk to.  It didn't hit me till after I dialed the number what I had done.

A few months ago, my boyfriend (fiancee) and I broke up.  We still see each other almost weekly, but we know that we make much better friends than anything else.  Eventually, a break up or divorce is what would have happened, but I know that Leo's death was what made it happen so soon.  My boyfriend ended it, but I know now that I loved Leo.  He was the one I should have been with.

My sister tells me that I don't know what would have happened if I had chosen Leo and left my boyfriend for him.  Maybe we would have been happy, maybe it would have ended the same way that it has.  And my sister is right.  But the not knowing...the possibility that it could have been different cuts me like a knife.

I don't know that I have completely accepted that Leo is gone.  It seems like the process is not over.  There are still days that I feel like I can't deal with him being gone, and I have to revert to denial to get through the day.  I think the hope that he isn't really dead will always be with me.  It's not that I don't believe he's gone, its just that the world seems like a much better place if I can imagine that he is still in it.

I find that I look for him, or at least that I look for his qualities, in everyone I meet.  I know that no one will ever be all the things that he was.  I even know that I see him with rose-colored glasses...I can't help myself. It's easy to forget the little things that annoyed you when the good things out weighed them by so much.  But those good qualities are what I try to find out there somewhere.  If I can't have my Leo back, I sometimes wish for a reasonably similar replacement.  I know deep down inside that this wouldn't fix anything.  At this point, no one is going to be able to fill the hole that I have in me.  Maybe in the future, in another year or in five years...but not yet.

I don't know what happens when people die.  If they live on somewhere, if they come back as something else, or if they just cease to be.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I wish my Leo was here with me everyday.  I miss hearing his voice.  I miss the way his face crinkled up when he smiled.  I miss how he could always catch my eye, no matter how full a room was, and make some goober face at me till I laughed like a crazy person.  I miss so many things about him.

I just needed to get this out.  Its been stuck inside for a long time, and there's no one I can talk to about it like I need to.  Maybe, if he's out there somewhere, he knows what I am feeling and he misses me as much as I miss him.

I love you, Leo.  I will always love you.

~Sully

For Buttons

Disclaimer:  This has absolutely nothing to do with actual buttons...so if you are reading this title thinking "Huzzah!  I love buttons...I will check this out...", you will be sadly disappointed.  Just a warning!

Instead, this has to do with my younger sister, Teddy, who is pregnant.  Teddy and Buttons...  Buttons is what we are calling Teddy's baby.  She got tired of me calling her unborn baby 'it', and so from about a week after we found out she was preggo, we have called 'it' Buttons...  This Friday, we get to find out whether Buttons will be a girl or a boy!  (If Buttons cooperates, that is...)  I am excited, because I get to be there!  I can't have any kids of my own, so Teddy is lovingly letting me be a big part of her pregnancy experience.  So as a little surprise, I am giving Teddy a smash book.  (I almost called this post Baby Smash Book, but all I could think was how terrible baby smash sounded, so I decided against that...)

At any rate, smash books are kind of like a scrapbook that you fill with all kinds of ephemera and words and whatever you want.  You can definitely make your own if you were so inclined, and there are lots of cool tutorials for smash books/ junk journals all over the internet.  But I didn't want my limited paper crafting skills to get in the way on this present, so I went with the real deal from K & Company.

This one:



I also got her a bunch of little stickers and doodads to put in the book, gender neutral, as we won't find out till Friday what she is having.

To me a smash book is a very cool, easy way for her to keep track of what its like to be pregnant.  Teddy is one to notoriously put things off, and I don't want her to forget anything that happens.  The smash book seems like a good way to get her to record things, in just a few sentences if she wants, with pictures, or other memorabilia that she can just toss in when she feels like it.  To me a smash book is like a casual scrapbook...where you don't worry too much about how polished it looks if you don't want to.  They are also neat (especially for people like Teddy) because they have the little smash stick (which is a fine tip sharpie on one end and a glue stick on the other) attached right to the book.  That way if you are out somewhere, you can smash stuff right then and not forget about it...pretty smart...

To help Teddy get over the blank page jitters, I did the first page in her book.

Here is the blank page:

Before...

And here is the after:

And After...  Get it...a book about buttons...cause we call the baby Buttons... genius!

On a really cool side note, those button die cuts came from one of my other sisters, Jocelyn.  The library where she lives has a huge die cutting machine that you can use if you bring your own paper!  I checked out my local library, but they don't have one (which made me a sad panda).  But it may be worth checking into at your own local library.  Besides, libraries are awesome in general, so its not like the trip would be wasted.  Plus, some libraries keep a rack of old books and magazines for sale (mine does do this) year round that can be a great source for paper crafting supplies.

I also did the back of the page:

Good quotes!  The yellow is a pocket for a little card I am making...I will post that when I get it done...

I didn't go overboard on the whole decorating end of it.  Teddy is not super crafty, and I didn't want to freak her out with some crazy fancy whatever that would make it be intimidating for her to add to...  Also, while the thick layers of stuff look cool, in reality, it makes it difficult to do the pages that follow...so I kept it simple...  I am trying not to give her any excuse to not just 'smash' the crap out of this smash book!!!

What do you think of smash books?  Any thoughts, I would love to hear whatever you have to say!

~Sully